Janey Godley's Blog

(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)

In episode 81 of Janey Godley’s podcast the mother and daughter comedy duo give us some Oscar facts. The podcast is recorded early due to the duo heading to London this week. Ashley has unearthed many weird and wonderful titbits of Oscar award ceremonies from the archives and also gives us a roundup of the latest nominees.

Janey gives us some ‘singing’ from her version of The Northern Lights and Ashley talks’ crunchy lettuce diet tips. They both talk beauty tips and get a chance to read out some podcast questions. Ashley wants to be the face of Poundland (which isn’t sexual).

Mother and Daughter comedy team get to natter and the world gets to hear it on Janey Godley’s podcasts, expect some bawdy language and home truths, as Janey Godley and Ashley Storrie lead you down the roads less taken in their fantastic weekly podcast. Listen as mother and daughter banter, bait and burst with laughter. 

Janey Godley Podcast at: Episode 81

You can check out all our videos on YouTube.

Order “Handstands in the Dark” Paper Back or in EBook

Please rate us or leave a comment on PodOmatic, ITunes or Facebook

You can find all the info regarding Janey’s live shows by just clicking Gigs!

If you would like to support this podcast then please do so by clicking onto Our PodOmatic page and donate via the PayPal link on the right hand side of the page. 

I hope you enjoy our Podcasts it would be great if you would pass it on, thanks Janey Godley & Ashley Storrie.

 

“No thanks, am not really into getting my Chakra’s aligned, I have just recently relocated my ovaries thanks” I said to the hippy looking woman who boldly sported a shock of white hair.

 

She was younger than me but was brave enough to resist Wella number 5 hair dye, am just not ready to ‘come out as grey’ some women can carry it off and their families accept them being grey, not for me, am staying in the Wella number 5 closet.

 

I don’t look sexy and natural with grey locks; I look like I might milk goats & live in a static caravan site or have walked off the set of a Dickens show set in Newgate prison and am the old woman with two days to live.

 

This hippy grey haired woman Desdemona (I swear that’s her name or she changed it on Twitter or something similar) met me in a cafe and immediately decided I needed her help getting my aura and chakras sorted out. I really needed a cup of strong tea and a bacon roll.

 

“Do you have headaches and trouble with your stomach?” she asked sagely as she gripped my hand and massaged between my thumbs and forefinger, making my stomach hurt. Doesn’t everyone have headaches and stomach pains? Come on they must do eh? But her eyes were imploring me to agree with her about headaches and stomach cramps; I stared at the woman making bacon rolls.

 

The constant massaging on the web between my fingers was making me quite violent.

 

Turns out Desdemona used to be called Sheila and had been a fish gutter in Aberdeen till she met a bloke at Glastonbury who gave her an ‘experience’. Am not sure if what he did was consensual but she seemed to like sharing her skills. I got up and walked away- starving and determined to get my roots done.

 

You see I don’t mind ‘alternative therapies’ but there are some I would avoid – like getting hot stones stuck to my back, somehow that reminds me of the shit my big brother used to do to me when I was 7 years old in the sticky summer days in Glasgow.

 

Some women love spa therapies and it helps them unwind.

 

They way I relax and it is truly better than any spa ever, is hanging out & staying with my best pals Monica or Shirley. We can lie on the sofa, eat nice food, talk shit for hours and shout at the telly, then sleep for ages and wear nothing but sloppy clothes and not bother to wash hair or wear make-up. Just having great one on one time with my pal and talking, debating, arguing processing issues that bother me is so amazing and ultimately relaxing.

 

Good pals are better than alternative therapists or personal life coaches. Good pals tell the truth about you horrific dress that you think is lovely, they also refuse to let you leave the house with that eye shadow you think is ‘on trend’.

 

Good pals can resolve sexual, marriage and career issues better than any single mantra filled nut-job who charges for every single piece of faux advice they batter out.

 

There’s a bloke I know who pays a shed load of bucks to a life coach who had previously worked with astronauts at NASA- he loved telling me this fact- as the coach apparently personally helped those chosen moon walkers to gain the wherewithal to fly into space.

 

I asked him “what did he do? Point at the moon and say- go there?”

 

He was really annoyed and said ‘to fully get the best from a life coach you had to be willing to give yourself up to fate and face the challenge’. That’s what every single newborn does naturally when he slips from the amniotic sac and faces life, isn’t it?

 

The reason am banging on about this subject is- I have decided to lose weight and try to get myself fit and everyone told me I should get myself a personal trainer, full time nutritionalist and motivator. I don’t disagree and had a great chat with a bloke from Kaizen Fitness in Glasgow and this month and am not ruling it out. But firstly am going to see if I can possibly try to do start it on my own. As at the end of day, if I can’t make myself do it, trust me nobody else will.

 

If you have any diet, help and advice or like me pretending to be a life coach occasionally follow me on Twitter @janeygodley

 

 

 

(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)

In episode 80 of Janey Godley’s podcast the chatty duo talk about old family photographs they found and the ever changing look of Janey’s bushy hair throughout the decades. Ashley gives us her opinion on breast implants, shoplifting celebrities and broke toe bones.

Janey and Ashley laugh their way through memories of funerals past and present and Janey asks the podcast questions. Celebrity Big Brother gets a roundup and the ladies give their opinions on the latest episode.

Mother and Daughter comedy team get to natter and the world gets to hear it on Janey Godley’s podcasts, expect some bawdy language and home truths, as Janey Godley and Ashley Storrie lead you down the roads less taken in their fantastic weekly podcast. Listen as mother and daughter banter, bait and burst with laughter. 

Janey Godley Podcast at: Episode 80

You can check out all our videos on YouTube.

Order “Handstands in the Dark” Paper Back or in EBook

Please rate us or leave a comment on PodOmatic, ITunes or Facebook

You can find all the info regarding Janey’s live shows by just clicking Gigs!

If you would like to support this podcast then please do so by clicking onto Our PodOmatic page and donate via the PayPal link on the right hand side of the page. 

I hope you enjoy our Podcasts it would be great if you would pass it on, thanks Janey Godley & Ashley Storrie.

(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)

In episode 79 of Janey Godley’s podcast the chatty duo talk about old family photographs they found and the ever changing look of Janey’s bushy hair throughout the decades. Ashley gives us her opinion on breast implants, shoplifting celebrities and broke toe bones.

Janey and Ashley laugh their way through memories of funerals past and present and Janey asks the podcast questions. Celebrity Big Brother gets a roundup and the ladies give their opinions on the latest episode.

Mother and Daughter comedy team get to natter and the world gets to hear it on Janey Godley’s podcasts, expect some bawdy language and home truths, as Janey Godley and Ashley Storrie lead you down the roads less taken in their fantastic weekly podcast. Listen as mother and daughter banter, bait and burst with laughter. 

Janey Godley Podcast at: Episode 79

You can check out all our videos on YouTube.

Order “Handstands in the Dark” Paper Back or in EBook

Please rate us or leave a comment on PodOmatic, ITunes or Facebook

You can find all the info regarding Janey’s live shows by just clicking Gigs!

If you would like to support this podcast then please do so by clicking onto Our PodOmatic page and donate via the PayPal link on the right hand side of the page. 

I hope you enjoy our Podcasts it would be great if you would pass it on, thanks Janey Godley & Ashley Storrie.

“Why are you old and have funny hair?” my great niece Julia asked me as she stroked the evil cat she calls a pet. She is only five and doesn’t understand that I am allowed to still be alive and she also doesn’t know that genetically she just might inherit my bushy fucked up hair. “Why are you still alive little cheeky face?”

 I laughed back and she quickly replied “I am alive coz I know the numbers of days I have left and I know yours as well” she stared intently at me with big eyes, then walked away as she squeezed the cat firmly under her arm and banged the window with one angry fist and a pigeon flew off in a startled flappy panic.

I think she might be Carrie from the horror film.

My point is Julia is a funny wee kid; she is startlingly blonde with the bluest eyes and has the weirdest off beat sense of humour which makes me happy to be her auntie, sometimes she tells me she can hear my bones moaning. That’s not a sentence many five year olds get away with to me, but I love her.

 My bones are moaning by the way, I am at that age when a noise happens when I bend down sharply to pick up something as small as a hair grip or try and brush the back of my bushy fucked up hair. My arms are like stiff doll arms – it’s an age thing!

So 2012 is upon me and I have to better organised, and by organised I mean I need to stop hiding paperwork under the couch and actually physically dealing with it.

Everyone makes so many New Year resolutions; mine are to stop dreaming that one day I will get to do physical expressive dance to Supertramp live on TV and time to focus on real life and quit imagining that George Clooney will like touching my boobs.

 

These are some of the things am planning to stick to

I am going to try and catch the postman everytime he slides a card in my letterbox telling me I wasn’t at home to receive a parcel, as he tiptoes away from my door with my parcel.

I am going to make a concerted effort to stop shouting at my husband when he gets up to go to the loo in the middle of the night and knocks over the washing basket. And I promise not make that huffing noise when he splashes on the floor round the loo bowl.

I am going to stop rolling my eyes everytime my daughter Ashley talks about William Shatner and I promise I will stop pretending he has died and I had heard it just then on the news.

I will definitely try and book rail travel 300 days in advance so that a simple cross country train journey doesn’t cost more than a daily drug deal for Oasis circa 1997.

From now on I will stop buying clothes that fit a woman called Gwyneth who is thin, willowy and doesn’t live in my house and start buying clothes that can fit my body which is the shape of a sturdy yet stumpy box

I will stop shouting FUCK OFF CUNTS at the TV when anyone called Kardashian or Jersey Shore or TOWIE comes on and will calm myself down by pretending William Shatner is dead and telling this to Ashley, you see that’s a big distraction as I have explained before.

I will give up moaning about the phenomenon that is cupcakes- ok here is my last rant, they are just muffins with glittery expensive icing- stop charging £5 for that shit ok?

So there we have some of my intentions for the New Year. Hope you like them and if you get bored follow me on twitter @janeygodley

(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)

In episode 78 of Janey Godley’s podcast the funny duo discuss the latest news of the Stephen Lawrence trial. Ashley debates whether a parent has any right to cover up a child’s murder. Janey explains her latest twitter fight regarding Roman Polanski and Michael Winner and Ashley gives us some Glasgow urban legends.

The twosome gets into deep discussion over the weather in Central Scotland and Ashley reveals her deep fears about how to behave and survive the impending supposed end of the world in 2012. Janey explains her frustration about her own mother’s murder and the lack of justice served in her case.

Mother and Daughter comedy team get to natter and the world gets to hear it on Janey Godley’s podcasts, expect some bawdy language and home truths, as Janey Godley and Ashley Storrie lead you down the roads less taken in their fantastic weekly podcast. Listen as mother and daughter banter, bait and burst with laughter. 

Janey Godley Podcast at: Episode 78

You can check out all our videos on YouTube.

Order “Handstands in the Dark” Paper Back or in EBook

Please rate us or leave a comment on PodOmatic, ITunes or Facebook

You can find all the info regarding Janey’s live shows by just clicking Gigs!

If you would like to support this podcast then please do so by clicking onto Our PodOmatic page and donate via the PayPal link on the right hand side of the page. 

I hope you enjoy our Podcasts it would be great if you would pass it on, thanks Janey Godley & Ashley Storrie.

                 (Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)

In episode 77 of Janey Godley’s podcast the mother and daughter comedy twosome discuss their favourite things of 2011. Janey tells us her favourite moments in comedy, music and books and Ashley reveals her top movies, TV shows and music.

Ashley debates a suicide issue that was in the news and recalls her experience with a stalker. Janey gives us the rundown of her night performing comedy at Corntonvale Women’s prison. Both podcasters reveal their favourite moments and regrets of the past year. The round up of podcast questions and Ashley’s sexual encounters make it a memorable episode.

Mother and Daughter comedy team get to natter and the world gets to hear it on Janey Godley’s podcasts, expect some bawdy language and home truths, as Janey Godley and Ashley Storrie lead you down the roads less taken in their fantastic weekly podcast. Listen as mother and daughter banter, bait and burst with laughter. 

Janey Godley Podcast at: Episode 77

You can check out all our videos on YouTube.

Order “Handstands in the Dark” Paper Back or in EBook

Please rate us or leave a comment on PodOmatic, ITunes or Facebook

You can find all the info regarding Janey’s live shows by just clicking Gigs!

If you would like to support this podcast then please do so by clicking onto Our PodOmatic page and donate via the PayPal link on the right hand side of the page. 

I hope you enjoy our Podcasts it would be great if you would pass it on, thanks Janey Godley & Ashley Storrie.

(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)

In episode 76 of Janey Godley’s podcast the comedy duo tackle The Krankie’s penchant for swinging, Christmas songs and Ashley appearance on BBC 3 this week. Janey talks about her recent visit to Easterhouse in Glasgow and Ashley fears Terence the pillow will come to life.

Janey has a rant about foreign aid and poverty and Ashley is horrified at her mother’s lack of passion over racism in football. The chatty duo gives us some off key singing and some fun facts from around the globe. Merry Christmas.

Mother and Daughter comedy team get to natter and the world gets to hear it on Janey Godley’s podcasts, expect some bawdy language and home truths, as Janey Godley and Ashley Storrie lead you down the roads less taken in their fantastic weekly podcast. Listen as mother and daughter banter, bait and burst with laughter. 

Janey Godley Podcast at: Episode 76

You can check out all our videos on YouTube.

Order “Handstands in the Dark” Paper Back or in EBook

Please rate us or leave a comment on PodOmatic, ITunes or Facebook

You can find all the info regarding Janey’s live shows by just clicking Gigs!

If you would like to support this podcast then please do so by clicking onto Our PodOmatic page and donate via the PayPal link on the right hand side of the page. 

I hope you enjoy our Podcasts it would be great if you would pass it on, thanks Janey Godley & Ashley Storrie.

I was in London recently and just love getting time with my pals and catching up. Also getting the chance to do The Set List show at Soho theatre was just absolutely amazing. It’s a show where the minute you step onstage you are handed a piece of paper that tells you the subjects your gig will be based on. It’s a bit like jumping off a cliff naked in front of the people you desperately want to impress and have your period at the exact moment you bend your knees to leap off the edge. If you have ever had that dream you are naked and can’t use the buttons of a phone to get out of the street filled with people staring at you? Then that’s the feeling The Set List gives you and the only way out is to talk funny and make people laugh to get you out of the situation. I did it.

 

Monica my dear pal cheered and laughed all the way through and gave me a big hug as I walked off stage and thanks to Paul Provenza & the Set List team for the chance to do the show again.

 

I do love a walk down Oxford Street to see all the bright Christmas lights and look in the windows and feel that wonderful seasonal excitement. Though we don’t really do much Christmas stuff now that Ashley our daughter is a fully fledged adult- I do miss the feeling and get nostalgic at rosy cheeked kids in red mittens all giggling queuing up for Santa photos.

 

The other weird thing is when am doing Christmas comedy gigs, and the all jingle Christmas songs are on….I quickly realise that all these songs I was singing to in the 80s were out when most of the staff weren’t even alive. I am old. That’s official.

 

Christmas gigs can be notoriously difficult as people get raging drunk and have no interest in your funny stories….there is nothing better to bring down your comedy swaggering ego than to stand onstage and get whacked by a turkey breast on the shin bone as you almost reach a punch line.

 

Just a head’s up to people being dragged to a comedy night at Christmas party works night out, if you don’t like comedy and hate shutting up- just refuse to go and if you are a drunken person that hates comedy and likes throwing food? Please stay at home and whack yourself with a ham in private.

This time of year in Glasgow the drink and party season is in full swing, I watched two girls in astonishingly high platform shoes (that actually looked like surgical wear) hold onto each other trying to cross a road and fall like timber in front of moving cars.

 

Luckily they crawled onto the pavement dragging their Lulu Guinness bags and Jimmy Choo’s onto the vomit spewed pavement. One of them had a black hair piece that fell out and washed away in the gutter and she scrambled on bloodied knees trying to save it from going down the drain. Classy.

 

The other phenomenon on freezing winter nights in Scotland is the sheer amount of young men and women who refuse to wear a jacket, the two drunken girls I just mentioned were in thin shiny fabric off the shoulder dresses, it was 2 degrees below freezing in Glasgow. I don’t ever recall going out disco dancing in the late 70s and thinking “it’s snowing out there am going to find a sleeveless short dress and ditch my winter coat”.

 

Maybe I am old now and this is the way old people talk, but seeing young guys in thin tee shirts standing in the snow literally shivering and trembling with mild hypothermia makes me wonder- what makes them do that? Do you not get laid if you own a jacket nowadays? Is that a new code- wear a coat never get fucked? When did that happen?

 

My other bug bear is fragrance adverts on TV at this time, I really don’t understand them especially if you watch them with sound on mute. It basically is a woman in a torn billowing frock with smudged eye makeup running down an alley then caressing the bricks and staring into the distance- she looks sexually assaulted but then she sticks her fingers in her mouth and a cat jumps off a trash can and she stares at the moon and then clutches a bottle of perfume? What the fuck is that about?

 

So here we are almost at the end of the year and my blog is becoming more and more sporadic – I am feeling weird about life. Another year gone and I still don’t know where my career or life is going; shouldn’t I have all this shit figured out by now?

 

No is the answer, I don’t know much at all despite getting to this age. I only know when its cold- wear a jacket.

 

 

(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)

In episode 75 of Janey Godley’s podcast the mother and daughter comedy duo discuss feminism, Russian boats and Ashley’s penchant for having sex in cars.

Janey debates the local news in Scotland about a man who threw another off a train and Ashley talks about her late Uncle from the Isle of Rothesay and his recent death. There are some fun weird facts, podcast questions from Facebook and twitter and Ashley sings her self- penned song ‘My Nips are like bullets’

Mother and Daughter comedy team get to natter and the world gets to hear it on Janey Godley’s podcasts, expect some bawdy language and home truths, as Janey Godley and Ashley Storrie lead you down the roads less taken in their fantastic weekly podcast. Listen as mother and daughter banter, bait and burst with laughter. 

Janey Godley Podcast at: Episode 75

You can check out all our videos on YouTube.

Order “Handstands in the Dark” Paper Back or in EBook

Please rate us or leave a comment on PodOmatic, ITunes or Facebook

You can find all the info regarding Janey’s live shows by just clicking Gigs!

If you would like to support this podcast then please do so by clicking onto Our PodOmatic page and donate via the PayPal link on the right hand side of the page. 

I hope you enjoy our Podcasts it would be great if you would pass it on, thanks Janey Godley & Ashley Storrie.