Janey Godley's Blog

Janey Godley’s Podcast Episode 149

Thu, 23 May 2013 18:58:48 +0100

(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)

In episode 149 of Janey Godley’s podcast the comedy mother and daughter duo speak about the Woolwich murder and debate the true meaning of terrorism. They discuss the sensationalised media coverage and Ashley has a rant about racism.

They talk about death, murder and how ‘hate crime’ can be unfair. Ashley talks about her ambitions to become a phone sex worker and Janey gets in depth about Ashley’s comedy ambitions.

Mother and Daughter comedy team get to natter and the world gets to hear it on Janey Godley’s podcasts, expect some bawdy language and home truths, as Janey Godley and Ashley Storrie lead you down the roads less taken in their fantastic weekly podcast. Listen as mother and daughter banter, bait and burst with laughter.

Janey Godley Podcast at: Episode 149

If you would like to support our podcast then please do so by clicking onto Our Donate Page and donate via PayPal or like us on Facebook

For more information on how you can help Matthew McVarish visit The Road to Change website

Check out our Brad Pitt Style Perfume Advert

Click Here To see the art of Hannah Stone

Get your copy of Molly Wobbly’s Tit factory, live cast recording: Here.

Check out: The saga of Tim and Freya

You can check out all our videos on: YouTube

Order “Handstands in the Dark” Paper Back or in EBook

Please rate us or leave a comment on: PodOmatic, ITunes

You can find all the info regarding Janey’s live shows by just clicking Gigs!

We hope you enjoy our Podcasts it would be great if you would pass it on, thanks Janey Godley & Ashley Storrie.

This is me

Tue, 21 May 2013 19:58:44 +0100

I HAD cause to be in the Western Infirmary’s accident and emergency unit in Glasgow recently. A huge fat teenager in his best sports wear (maybe he was in training for the forthcoming Commonwealth Games, in the running-with-a-knife event?) came in behind me. He obviously wasn’t getting the immediate attention he deserved, what with his swagger (maybe he had a dislocated hip?) anyway….I disliked him because he sneered at me.

His fist clenched he banged on the counter and demanded that someone look at him. The woman on the reception was busy writing something down and carried on with her work.

He let rip a foul tirade of abuse at the wee woman. I would like to call her sassy Susan, she was wearing a tall bee hive blonde hair do and that amazing bright pink lip liner that you just know she can do with one hand and no mirror.

She merely bent down and pressed a button under the counter, then she smiled at him and slammed the glass window shut.

Three seconds later, five policemen came out and hustled him to the door.

“My da’ is fucking dying!” he yelled. The cops ignored him “I will you tube tis you bastards”

The cops laughed and said “hey YOU tube….move it”.

I love that in Glasgow we use the word TUBE as an insult….

Just then, the double doors to the exit banged open and there stood an old man with a cigarette hanging from his mouth. He had bare, mottled legs and was wearing a dirty old towelling robe and jangling enough gold bracelets to justify being Glasgow’s oldest white rapper.

“Son,” he spoke quietly, “give yer da’ a light for his fag and stop annoying the polis.”

Might not be pretty representation of Glasgow- but these are my people and this is my Scotland.

There is the other side as well, head to the West End and the nice mung bean cous-cous side of town and meet the folk who like to knit yoga mats….but people despite appearances can all be pains in the ass. Yet am proud of Scotland, you know why?

That irritating closet racist and homophobe and UKIP leader Nigel Farage (weird name for a man who hates all things European) came to Edinburgh recently to rally some troops for his ‘party’ and was promptly run out of town. Yes an angry mob gave him short shift, they may have been loud, raucous and sweary….but they did it.

The UKIP can maintain their ‘we aren’t racist’ stance but it doesn’t wash in Scotland - we have a saying “don’t piss on my back and tell me it’s raining” and that Mr Farage is what we hate about liars….the fact you assume we don’t know you.

So life goes on, am looking forward to June firstly me and Ashley (my comedy daughter) are performing at Rock Ness festival….I can’t tell you how much this worries me, am scared of moths, but it will be immense fun.

I still hate camping though and then on June 22nd I will be recording my one woman show at The Comedy Cafe Theatre in Rivington street East London.

I can’t wait to do this, as so many people have asked me can they buy recordings of shows and I had none. I had done a few shaky video’s of my shows but nothing that could be sold.

Producing and selling without a BIG MAJOR distributor is the way forward for comics and this way, we can support a small indie company AND get my show on CD

So now the awesome people at The Comedy Cafe Theatre are going to get this done. If you want to see it live, check out the gigs list on my website and buy tickets and come along.

So thanks for reading, if you want follow me on twitter @JaneyGodley for updates.

Janey Godley’s Podcast Episode 148

Thu, 16 May 2013 19:41:29 +0100

(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)

In episode 148 of Janey Godley’s podcast the comedy mother and daughter discuss The Oxford rape case, Cardinal O’Brien ‘leaving Scotland’ and the sexual nature of American Apparel adverts.

They wax lyrical about David Sedaris and Janey rants about people pressing her buzzer. Ashley talks about sexual thoughts regarding William Shatner and Janey gets foamy at the mouth about Ryan Gosling. Some new TV shows get a mention and home style haircuts get debated.

Janey Godley Podcast at: Episode 148

If you would like to support our podcast then please do so by clicking onto Our Donate Page and donate via PayPal or like us on Facebook

For more information on how you can help Matthew McVarish visit The Road to Change website

Check out our Brad Pitt Style Perfume Advert

Click Here To see the art of Hannah Stone

Get your copy of Molly Wobbly’s Tit factory, live cast recording: Here.

Check out: The saga of Tim and Freya

You can check out all our videos on: YouTube

Order “Handstands in the Dark” Paper Back or in EBook

Please rate us or leave a comment on: PodOmatic, ITunes

You can find all the info regarding Janey’s live shows by just clicking Gigs!

We hope you enjoy our Podcasts it would be great if you would pass it on, thanks Janey Godley & Ashley Storrie.

Janey Godley’s Podcast Episode 147

Thu, 09 May 2013 20:00:09 +0100

(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)

In episode 147 of Janey Godley’s podcast the comedy mum and daughter discuss the Ohio women who were held hostage and their hero Chuck Ramsay. Sylvia Brown the awful psychic gets a verbal booting, Mark Lester gets sperm grilled and the BBC One Show is revealed as racist over the Scottish accent.

This is the week renowned Scottish football manager Sir Alex Ferguson retires and we explain why Matthew McVarish will do a 10,000 miles walk across Europe. We are appalled at Barbara Hewson a UK Barrister who has suggested the age of consent is 13 years old to stop the hunting down of old men who abused them in historic abuse cases.

Janey Godley Podcast at: Episode 147

If you would like to support our podcast then please do so by clicking onto Our Donate Page and donate via PayPal or like us on Facebook

Check out our Brad Pitt Style Perfume Advert

Click Here To see the art of Hannah Stone

Get your copy of Molly Wobbly’s Tit factory, live cast recording: Here.

Check out: The saga of Tim and Freya

You can check out all our videos on: YouTube

Order “Handstands in the Dark” Paper Back or in EBook

Please rate us or leave a comment on: PodOmatic, ITunes

You can find all the info regarding Janey’s live shows by just clicking Gigs!

We hope you enjoy our Podcasts it would be great if you would pass it on, thanks Janey Godley & Ashley Storrie.

Abuse and Threats Online

Thu, 02 May 2013 21:34:31 +0100

Seems to be a theme this week of attacking comedians, what with Scottish comic Susan Calman getting bullied for her non- opinion on Independence and Reggie Hunter getting booted for being himself at a corporate gig- the papers raged on with accusations of ‘fees to be returned’ in Reggie’s case and ‘Bullying from the Nats’ in Susan’s case.

Either way it was a bad week for comedy, especially as the Scotsman and various other newspapers emblazoned their headline “death threats for comedian” never since Salman Rushdie have we seen adverse reaction to an art form. Though I still don’t know who threatened death to Susan as it hasn’t in itself been publicised (maybe due to a police investigation) and can only imagine the horror that it rang- having been threatened online two years ago myself for talking about Old Firm Sectarianism….it’s scary stuff.

I took screen shots and reported the website and death threaten-ers to the police and made an official complaint. So what is this special new Scottish force Police Scotland doing about this onslaught of abuse towards female comics?

In my case they took all the details and assured me to watch out for more abuse, but they basically told me not to be contentious on Twitter….I explained “I am a comedian, I am allowed to make jokes and contentious remarks without being threatened by death” But I was happy I reported it and made sure the cops were aware of the people who being abusive for future reference.

So many politicians came out to support Susan and quite rightly so, but it’s just lip service….we want to be protected for our freedom of speech without being threatened by death….what’s next a Scolds Bridle for ‘cheeky women’?

I would like a Police Scotland and Chief Constable Stephen House to have a full investigation into the death threats given to comedians and am appalled that Susan had to turn to a newspaper to highlight this issue as clearly the cops are so far doing nothing.

Having been a victim of online bullying and name calling, and threats of ‘getting my house burnt down’ I know how this feels and the police did reassure me they would help me, but by telling me ‘not to be contentious’ on twitter? what the hell is that about? I will quite happily face criticism and tell me you hate my comedy, explain how much you think am a fat ugly woman…fair play…but to THREATEN ME WITH DEATH? It’s not on.

On a side issue I speak about this situation in my recent show, how famous people get the press to highlight their online abuse and how the cops will kick doors in at 6am if some Olympiad is abused, but if you are wee Betty McDade from a housing scheme and someone is threatening you on Facebook….you are on your own. I know this to be true as some of my Facebook followers have testified to such….there shouldn’t be a law for one and separate law for others. This isn’t Victorian times, where the Middle classes are protected and the lower classes are left to defend themselves. All online abuse should be treated seriously, whether you are an Olympic swimmer, a comedian or someone who is living on benefits trying to use social networking sites.

I want the death threats to stop and the only way they will stop is if we constantly report them, screen shot the tweets and facebook threats and remember there is always a way to trace them. Everything every written on the web can be traced. Stay safe and lets all work together to stop death threats online.

So thanks for reading, if you want follow me on twitter @JaneyGodley for updates

Janey Godley’s Podcast Episode 146

Thu, 02 May 2013 18:36:31 +0100

(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)

In episode 146 of Janey Godley’s podcast the comedy mother and daughter discuss Bill Roache of Coronation Street fame and his alleged rape accusations, the racist furore of Reginald D Hunter at the football dinner and the upsurge of print books.

Janey tells a highly controversial story about abduction in the early 90s in her pub and Ashley explains Shakespeare’s Midsummer Night’s Dream. Janey does a Bold Alec version of the famous play. Sectarianism gets debated hotly between the women.

Janey Godley Podcast at: Episode 146

If you would like to support our podcast then please do so by clicking onto Our Donate Page and donate via PayPal or like us on Facebook

Check out our New Brad Pitt Style Perfume Advert

Click Here To see the art of Hannah Stone

Get your copy of Molly Wobbly’s Tit factory, live cast recording: Here.

Check out: The saga of Tim and Freya

You can check out all our videos on: YouTube

Order “Handstands in the Dark” Paper Back or in EBook

Please rate us or leave a comment on: PodOmatic, ITunes

You can find all the info regarding Janey’s live shows by just clicking Gigs!

We hope you enjoy our Podcasts it would be great if you would pass it on, thanks Janey Godley & Ashley Storrie

The Saga Of Tim And Freya By Janey Godley The Train tales...

Sat, 27 Apr 2013 21:00:27 +0100

The Saga Of Tim And Freya By Janey Godley

The Train tales sensation #timandfreya comes to life from my now infamous twitter feed of the controversial public argument, here I narrate the whole story as it happened

The Saga Of Tim And Freya By Janey Godley

Sat, 27 Apr 2013 19:50:40 +0100

The Saga Of Tim And Freya By Janey Godley:

The Train tales sensation #timandfreya comes to life from my now infamous twitter feed of the controversial public argument, here I narrate the whole story as it happened

Janey Godley’s Podcast Episode 145

Thu, 25 Apr 2013 12:55:05 +0100

(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)

In episode 145 of Janey Godley’s podcast the comedy mother and daughter discuss the problems with YouTube, fake tans and space stations.

Ashley explains her day of editing the Tim and Freya video she made and Janey talks ghost stories, small penis’s and menopausal problems. They both talk about things they hate, Ashley has many and they answer some podcast questions.

Janey Godley Podcast at: Episode 145

If you would like to support our podcast then please do so by clicking onto Our Donate Page and donate via PayPal or like us on Facebook

Check out our New Brad Pitt Style Perfume Advert

Click Here To see the art of Hannah Stone

Get your copy of Molly Wobbly’s Tit factory, live cast recording: Here.

Check out: The saga of Tim and Freya

You can check out all our videos on: YouTube

Order “Handstands in the Dark” Paper Back or in EBook

Please rate us or leave a comment on: PodOmatic, ITunes

You can find all the info regarding Janey’s live shows by just clicking Gigs!

We hope you enjoy our Podcasts it would be great if you would pass it on, thanks Janey Godley & Ashley Storrie.

Janey Godley’s Podcast Episode 144

Sat, 20 Apr 2013 15:03:06 +0100

(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)

In episode 144 of Janey Godley’s podcast, the comedy mother and daughter duo shoot the breeze in a William Shatner buzz fest. Ashley tells the whole story of her twitter chat with ‘The Shatner’.

Janey gives us her view on the Thatcher funeral, the Boston bombings and her husband’s latest Asperger’s rant. Ashley starts with a song and we have a celebrity podcast question from Greg McHugh (star of Fresh Meat and Gary Tank Commander).

Janey Godley Podcast at: Episode 144

If you would like to support our podcast then please do so by clicking onto Our Donate Page and donate via PayPal or like us on Facebook

Check out our New Brad Pitt Style Perfume Advert

Click Here To see the art of Hannah Stone

Get your copy of Molly Wobbly’s Tit factory, live cast recording: Here.

Check out: The saga of Tim and Freya

You can check out all our videos on: YouTube

Order “Handstands in the Dark” Paper Back or in EBook

Please rate us or leave a comment on: PodOmatic, ITunes

You can find all the info regarding Janey’s live shows by just clicking Gigs!

We hope you enjoy our Podcasts it would be great if you would pass it on, thanks Janey Godley & Ashley Storrie.

Life sucks sometimes...

Tue, 16 Apr 2013 20:46:00 +0100

So there I was finally on a train to London with my happy daughter Ashley. We travel well together, she has tour managed me in Australia and NZ so she knows when to shut up and when to make me tea. We sat in the first class bit of the Virgin train, listening to music and then I checked my twitter feed to find out Thatcher had died and I announce it loudly to the elderly people surrounding us as they don’t have twitter and might want to know, plus I like being a death announcer.

“That’s Thatcher dead!” I said as everyone stared at me.

An elderly man wearing a cardigan with elbow patched leaned over and said “What age was she?” as if there was a cut off point for all old people. “I don’t know” I answered and went back to reading the words ‘DING DONG’ ‘miners’ ‘witch’ ‘Pinochet’ repeatedly on Twitter. Not for me, I will never celebrate anyone’s death, and to be honest if the whole country hated her so much why do we have a Tory in power now?

So me and Ashley finally get into London and headed straight to Groucho club, as we had a meeting and were just desperate to get off the train.

London is my favourite city of all time, I love the mad hustle and bustle. In Soho there are just people screaming into their phones and pushing the homeless to the kerb as they have ‘important business’, I don’t like those people to be honest. The city itself I adore.

Me and Ashley got to spend some quality time with mates, try on each other’s make up, flick through someone else’s DVD collection and eat someone else’s food…awesome stuff.

On the Saturday night after a heap of meetings, parties and a few wee gins, I finally fell into bed at 1am.

I was awakened at 4am with Ashley bursting in my door, I thought the flat was on fire but no it was merely the news that William Shatner (her ALL TIME HERO) had finally tweeted her. Many listeners of our podcast (Janey Godley’s Podcast) knew how much Ashley loves the man and have been repeatedly tweeting the Star Man for ages and finally he got in touch. Not only did he get in touch he chatted for ages with her (and me, I always get in on the act) and Ashley had to scream into a cushion as my mate Monica was fast asleep and it would be rude to wake her up at 4am with Shatner news! Can you believe he said he listened to our podcast and LOVED IT!

Suffice to say Ashley got a birthday wish from the great man himself and is still on cloud nine….

So back to Glasgow…but not without a drunk Glaswegian causing that much offence to the surrounding passengers on the train, he was taken off at Wigan by the cops. I had taken video footage and tweeted about him as everyone knows how much I like a good train fight on twitter….anyway upshot is, the cops have the video and shouty stupid man had to catch another train and am now a witness.

Life is ok, am sick to my stomach though as last night my beloved Boston was bombed during a marathon. I love Boston, me and my wee pal Shirley were there last year when I took part in their comedy festival, it was shocking to watch. People are utter bastards to bomb any city…but you know what there are good people in the world and we have to focus on that as well.

Here’s hoping there is peace in the world.

So thanks for reading, if you want follow me on twitter @JaneyGodley for updates.

Janey Godley’s Podcast Episode 143

Thu, 11 Apr 2013 17:17:21 +0100

(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)

In episode 143 of Janey Godley’s Podcast the Mother and daughter comedy duo bring you a short burst of hilarity from their trip to London, they discuss the death of Margaret Thatcher, Ashley’s recent one direction education, mine craft and the Osmond’s.

They recount some tales from London as they rush to finish as they head out for a night in Soho, the pair tell of an angry goldfish, a possible Brian May sighting and the best egg Ashley’s ever eaten.

Janey Godley Podcast at: Episode 143

If you would like to support our podcast then please do so by clicking onto Our Donate Page and donate via PayPal or like us on Facebook

Check out our New Brad Pitt Style Perfume Advert

Click Here To see the art of Hannah Stone

Get your copy of Molly Wobbly’s Tit factory, live cast recording: Here.

Check out: The saga of Tim and Freya

You can check out all our videos on: YouTube

Order “Handstands in the Dark” Paper Back or in EBook

Please rate us or leave a comment on: PodOmatic, ITunes

You can find all the info regarding Janey’s live shows by just clicking Gigs!

We hope you enjoy our Podcasts it would be great if you would pass it on, thanks Janey Godley & Ashley Storrie

Janey Godley’s Podcast Episode 142

Sat, 06 Apr 2013 20:02:54 +0100

(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)

In episode 142 of Janey Godley’s podcast the comedy mother and daughter debate this week’s hot topics including Mick Philpot, Kim Jong Un and the North Korean bomb threat.

Ashley talks about her most recent embarrassment concerning a hot young man and Janey talks us through the gay marriage debate. Jeremy Irons, the English actor gets a verbal boot in the kidney’s for his stupidity and Ashley sings us some Scottish voiced rap. Ashley explains her love of Netflix.

Janey Godley Podcast at: Episode 142

If you would like to support our podcast then please do so by clicking onto Our Donate Page and donate via PayPal or like us on Facebook

Check out our New Brad Pitt Style Perfume Advert

Click Here to see the art of Hannah Stone

Get your copy of Molly Wobbly’s Tit factory, live cast recording Here.

Check out The saga of Tim and Freya

You can check out all our videos on YouTube

Order “Handstands in the Dark” Paper Back or in EBook

Please rate us or leave a comment on PodOmatic, ITunes

You can find all the info regarding Janey’s live shows by just clicking Gigs!

We hope you enjoy our Podcasts it would be great if you would pass it on, thanks Janey Godley & Ashley Storrie.

Janey Godley’s Podcast (Advert)

Fri, 22 Mar 2013 18:00:48 +0000

Janey Godley’s Podcast (Advert):

For people who can’t tune in to Real XS here is our recent advert for Janey Godley’s Podcast:

Janey Godley’s Podcast Episode 140

Thu, 21 Mar 2013 19:27:52 +0000

(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)

In episode 140 of Janey Godley’s podcast the comedy mother and daughter get ranty about Aspergers, the war in Iraq and Ken Barlow. Ashley discusses her experience of living through ten years of the illegal occupation of Iraq and her feelings about The Steubenville rape case.

Janey tells us a horrific story involving a guide dog and another about a toilet brush. Infidelity, a story about a kidney and some weird singing feature this week.

Janey Godley Podcast at: Episode 140

If you would like to support our podcast then please do so by clicking onto Our Donate Page and donate via PayPal or like us on Facebook

Check out our new Brad Pitt style perfume advert

Click here to see the art of Hannah Stone

Get your copy of Molly Wobbly’s Tit factory, live cast recording here.

Check out The saga of Tim and Freya

You can check out all our videos on YouTube

Order “Handstands in the Dark” Paper Back or in EBook

Please rate us or leave a comment on PodOmatic, ITunes

You can find all the info regarding Janey’s live shows by just clicking Gigs!

We hope you enjoy our Podcasts it would be great if you would pass it on, thanks Janey Godley & Ashley Storrie.

Why do I panic about RockNess Festival?

Tue, 19 Mar 2013 21:58:00 +0000

Me and my stand up comedy daughter Ashley Storrie are doing the comedy stage at RockNess, despite the press releases mistakenly calling her Ashley Godley and me Janey Godle….yes I know sounds like ‘coddle’, ok typos aside….am worried.

Glastonbury was amazing when I performed there a few times, but the flooding and extreme cold and the day Ashley jumped into a bloated stream to save someone, hasn’t quite left me. I am scared of biblical flooding, especially when we are far from home and the nearest thing surviving better than you is a gnarly cow-makes me feel jittery. We used a rowing boat to get to the comedy tent, it was that deep under water, where is Kevin Costner when you need him?

Now I know RockNess isn’t as isolated than Glastonbury and it may or may not have better facilities for artists, I don’t know yet. Am now planning my 3 day stay the way some people get ready for an apocalyptic survival situation.

“We must have water tablets, heat packs, freezer pack, dried apricots, solar panels, sausages and packs of bacon” I explain shrilly to Ashley who is questioning my sudden desire for survival food and weird shit pork based products.

“Mum, we don’t need all those fancy perishables, just some cans of tuna, dried pasta and teabags for the 67 pints of tea you down daily” she added. I stared at her. Ashley is so excited about Rockness, in her head there are sexy men, sunshine, nights round a camp fire, days filled with camping camaraderie and hours spent making daisy chain in the long grass as music fills our ears.

I see a nuclear wipe out and cholera.

Ashley looked at my food packing list.

“Are you having a Nigella type dinner party, with a Campari fountain, some home baked cheese quiche and sorbet served on fresh mint leaves? No, mum you will eating beans from a can and sitting near a tent in the rain” she laughed at me.

Am now thinking of getting a pop up tent with a big gazebo over that, some waterproof curtains round the gazebo, a gas fire, a fitted carpet, a three piece suite, some Egyptian cotton sheets a few occasional tables and a full cooker and microwave….basically I want a bungalow in a campsite. I am a twat.

Ashley is horrified at my panicking and my planning for Armageddon and not a happy three day camping trip with performing in between. I suppose I have to shut up and just accept it will rain, I will get close to a beetle or worm, I will get cold, I will want to kill people who talk too loud when I am trying to sleep, I will cry and want to go home….am such a feeble minded shit bag.

So if you are going to RockNess and you have a luxury campervan and you will parked near the comedy tent where we are…can I be your best pal?

So thanks for reading, if you want follow me on twitter @JaneyGodley

for updates

You are either out or you are in

Fri, 15 Mar 2013 22:02:52 +0000

I was in a supermarket in London last month.

I watched three young children, around five or six years old, sliding up and down the store squealing and pulling stuff off the shelves. They were like chattering, screaming meerkats on a hunt through the Kalahari Desert.

I looked for the parents and spotted three women chatting to two men. Every now and then, the kids would huddle round them and then bound off screaming again. The parents were pushing those extremely expensive three wheeled prams and feeding organic seaweed sheets to a baby who was spitting it all back out. One child had one of those wooden bikes with no pedals, let’s be honest pedalling is SOoooo last year.

That wee munchkin was crashing into giant displays of organic cereal. One child ran up and kicked it’s mum right on the shin, she merely rubbed her leg and limped off.

It made me recall childhood shopping trips with my mammy in Shettleston. She would frequent the King-Co shop, the nearest thing we got to a supermarket in Glasgow’s East End. It contained about seven aisles of food, a few shelves containing bleach, carbolic soap and some household goods, with maybe four till points. There was a cold meat counter and usually two women in men’s socks wearing slippers, pushing a steamie pram full of washing tied in a tight bundle.

Before we entered the glass doors, my mammy would grab me by the neck of my damp duffel coat and read me the riot act: “If you touch anything, I will stamp on your neck”

I would walk the cool aisles of that store, scared to even look at stuff. If my mammy caught me making eye contact with the ice-cream freezer, she would hiss: “Don’t even think about it!” The rest of the shopping trip would be spent with me staring at the ground.

Then we would waddle down the road, struggling with our shopping, a string vegetable bag full of papery onions scratching my legs and plastic bags full of cans cracking my knees. Once we got home, she would take the bags off me.

“Go out and play!” she would yell. “Take your skate with you!”

Rain or shine, we all went out to play, even if it was with just one broken roller-skate tied to the ankle with a discarded brown nylon our mammy could no longer wear. That was how I spent my long summer holidays. You weren’t allowed back in for ages or your mammy would shout “you are either out or you are in bastard face” It was illegal back in the 60s to open and shut a door too many times (obviously a joke).

I know I must be getting older, now that I start to tut at other mothers’ parenting skills.

Today’s kids even answer their mammy back! I don’t know anyone who was born in the 1960s who would have dared to mouth off at their mammy. We didn’t come from mothers who tolerated a kick to their shins. I would still be in a coma ward to this day if I had.

I know better than most people that the old days weren’t as good as we think. I know there was a lot of poverty, abuse, robbery and murder, but I still believe that kids didn’t dare disrespect their parents the way they do in today’s society.

Then again, in our day we didn’t have shedloads of TV shows that explained how to make your child behave. We had The Golden Shot and The Avengers: two things my mammy was already good at. She could fire a sling-back shoe like a warrior and – trust me – she could avenge like no one I knew.

Ah …the good old days.

So thanks for reading, if you want follow me on twitter @JaneyGodley for update

Janey Godley’s Podcast Episode 138

Fri, 08 Mar 2013 23:46:00 +0000

(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)

In episode 138 of Janey Godley’s podcast, the mother and daughter comedy duo discuss Vicky Price’s guilty verdict and sexism in comedy and in general. Ashley explains why I can’t be her ‘wingman’ and how she turns into Yoda when she fancies a man.

Janey talks about her dad’s recent fall in the street and Ashley talks about her visit to a criminal court and despairs about her forthcoming performance at Rock Ness as Janey will no doubt cock block her all the way.

Janey Godley Podcast at: Episode 138

If you would like to support our podcast then please do so by clicking onto Our Donate Page and donate via PayPal or like us on Facebook

Check out our new Brad Pitt style perfume advert

Click here to see the art of Hannah Stone

Get your copy of Molly Wobbly’s Tit factory, live cast recording here.

Check out The saga of Tim and Freya

You can check out all our videos on YouTube

Order “Handstands in the Dark” Paper Back or in EBook

Please rate us or leave a comment on PodOmatic, ITunes

You can find all the info regarding Janey’s live shows by just clicking Gigs!

We hope you enjoy our Podcasts it would be great if you would pass it on, thanks Janey Godley & Ashley Storrie.

Janey Godley’s Podcast Episode 137

Thu, 28 Feb 2013 17:24:38 +0000

(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)

In episode 137 of Janey Godley’s podcast the mother and daughter comedy duo let rip about religion, the bedroom tax and police who deny women the right to press rape charges.

Ashley explains her hatred for the woman on Edwardian Farm TV show and how Oprah isn’t as generous as first believed. Janey talks about the charity night coming up for Talk Now the charity she is a patron of. They also discuss their current podcast advert on RealXS radio in Scotland.

Janey Godley Podcast at: Episode 137

If you would like to support our podcast then please do so by clicking onto Our Donate Page and donate via PayPal or like us on Facebook

Check out our new Brad Pitt style perfume advert

Click here to see the art of Hannah Stone

Get your copy of Molly Wobbly’s Tit factory, live cast recording here.

Check out The saga of Tim and Freya

You can check out all our videos on YouTube

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First Class Godley

Mon, 18 Feb 2013 23:04:19 +0000

I love the train, it gets busy at half term time, like it did when I came home from London recently. I got my ticket ready, this time it was easy to find.

The new system is you get to print out your own ticket which is an A4 sheet with a scan code on it, much better than 58 wee orange tickets we normally get, so am happy about this. Anyway, I got into the first class carriage and sat at a four to a table seat and promptly stuck my case underneath, as I have short legs and it means I can raise my legs up and nap. If the train is busy and people need to sit with me, I move it. Am not a twat.

So, a big posh man, with elbow patches and mustard cords (what the fuck is that about?) kicked my case and asked me to move it so he could join me.

“listen there are heap of seats in the next carriage, it’s all unreserved, if you don’t mind, we won’t have to share” I explained and pointed to the next first class carriage which was indeed empty. I didn’t want to sit beside someone in a near empty carriage, there were plenty seats around me and next door.

“This is actually first class, are you meant to be here” he sneered and kicked my case again. Yes, he actually asked me that.

I looked at him, smiled and said “No, I have skipped in, please don’t tell anyone, but I get free food and wifi and I take all the sandwiches home”

He looked horrified, pressed the door button and walked into the next carriage.

Seconds later, before the train had even moved, the ticket guy train manager came through shouting “Tickets and passes please?” looking at me with mustard cords behind him, pointing and twitching and waiting to see me get ejected. Who does that?

“Do I really need to get my ticket out?” I pleaded…I could see mustard cords stand still behind the ticket guy staring at me, still smirking. So I pulled out my first class A4 self printed ticket and presented this to the guard, who smiled thanked me and moved on.

Of course I had a first class ticket! Mustard cords was raging angry he sputtered “You said you didn’t have a first class ticket, you are a filthy liar” he hissed at me, his face was red and angry and I could see a purple vein pulse on his temple.

At that the train manager stopped…. and watched our exchange.

“I can say anything the fuck I want to you, you are a member of the public and have no right to ask me questions, so shut it Cunty Mc Wunty! I have to be honest with him (I pointed to the train manager), you are an insulting dick, I can say whatever I want to you now move on mustard cords, you are ruining my first class experience” I plugged in my IPod and let Bob Seger take me away to his Hollywood Nights.

Mustard cords stood his ground, staring at me, hands on plump hips, the ticket man had moved off and I mouthed to mustard cords “I photocopied this ticket” and giggled.

He was about to explode when the catering guy appeared , I unplugged my ears, he poured me a coffee and said “Hiya Janey, how you- fancy a bacon sandwich?” I know most of the catering crew on trains by the sheer amount of travel that I do, I smiled and said “yes”.

Mustard cords tried to beat a hasty retreat, this is difficult with doors that you need to press and wait to open, he could hear me laughing as the door whooshed closed behind him.

That awful repugnant wee prick of a man got off at Preston and as the train pulled away I smiled and waved. He sneered and spat at the window…coz he thinks he is upper class and that’s how that works sometimes.

Not all anti social behaviour is from working class commoners with track suits tucked into their socks, swigging beer and being obnoxious in public, sometimes it comes from people who regardless of their assumed standing in public….and they can be utter bastards.

So thanks for reading, if you want follow me on twitter @JaneyGodley for updates.